How to settle in and make friends in a small town

The first weeks in a new town set the tone for everything after. Frank and Dave's advice is simple: don't spend them buried in boxes.

Explore before you unpack

It's tempting to unpack everything before doing anything else. Resist it. Your family's first impression of the town is still forming, and boredom plus endless unpacking can turn into "I want to go home" fast.

Make a list of the top ten things to do in your area, and try to do one every week, no matter how tired you are or how many boxes are left. As the book puts it, "You moved to improve your quality of life, not to spend your life unpacking boxes."

Start on everyone's must-haves right away too, and set aside a little time each day to enjoy the new place. The lists from the must-haves guide make a ready-made plan.

Start the Great Big Book of Everything

The book suggests a three-ring binder called "The Great Big Book of Everything." Fill it with every fun thing to do in your area. Gather ideas from the state tourism office, the town, the chamber of commerce and travel guides.

Sort it into free, cheap and expensive if you like, and start with the free ones. Look through it together to find what everyone enjoys. When a free afternoon comes along, the plan is already there, and nobody has to remember a thing. Keep adding new and seasonal events as you hear about them.

Set up play dates early

The book calls making friends quickly one of the keys to a successful move. Play dates also give kids something fun to do while you unpack.

Don't wait for the other parents to reach out. Pick up the phone and invite them first.

Volunteer for something you enjoy

In Frank and Dave's experience, small towns run on volunteers. There usually aren't enough people to fill every role in every group, so a newcomer who offers to help is welcomed right away.

If you paint, join the art guild. If you like helping at school, say so, and you'll be busy before long. One act of volunteering can start a whole new circle of friends, and that's as true for retirees as it is for young parents.

Over time, you may find yourself leading something you care about. When that happens, include newcomers the way you were included.

Let the kids work and volunteer too

Sign the kids up as well. In the book's experience, teenagers make up a large part of the workforce in small-town businesses, and the adults who work with them tend to be nurturing and protective. Even a fast-food job can lead to a scholarship or a strong reference.

The book's view is that small towns expect kids to put their time to good use, and they grow up more well-rounded for it.

Don't let the contractors become your only friends

Here's a tip from the Small Town Guide archive. Most people moving into an older house take on some renovation, and in the first months you may see the painter and the plumber more than anyone else. It's easy for them to become your first circle of friends.

Resist that, too. These are people you're paying, and the archive tip warns that the friendlier things get, the longer and more costly the job tends to become. Treat them as professionals with a job to do, and look for friends through school, church and your neighbors instead. It's better for your family and for your budget.

Keep your old friends

Moving doesn't mean leaving your friends behind. You're adding to your circle, not replacing it. Calls, texts, email and video chats make distance matter much less than it once did.

Friendships do fade without effort, so as the one who moved, reach out first. At the very least, send a holiday card or letter each year. Old-fashioned postcards of your new town are a fun reminder, and they might tempt someone to come see it.

When friends do visit, offer them a place to stay if you have the room, and treat them like royalty. In Frank and Dave's experience, word gets around, and more old neighbors will make the trip.

Give it time

Every move has hard days, especially early on. But once the kids have new friends and the adults have new interests, the town starts to feel like home. If someone in the family is still struggling, getting your family on board has ideas that work after the move, too.

Frank and Dave's free book has more ideas for your first months in town.