How to find a small town with your family's must-haves

What makes a town great for one person can be a drawback for another. Plenty of shopping is a plus to some families and a traffic headache to others. So before you fall for a town, find out whether it has what your family needs.

Make a list for each person

Have everyone in the household make a list of the things they care about, then rank each item:

• Must have: a deal breaker if it's missing
• Want to have: nice, but you could live without it
• Don't care: doesn't matter either way
• Don't want: something that would make the town worse for them

The lists will look very different. One person may want a good hardware store and a golf course. Another may want a grocery store with fresh produce and a nice place for dinner. A teenager might want a football team, a dance school or a bowling alley. If you're retired, a doctor, a pharmacy and a place to volunteer might top the list.

You can build these lists with the wish list tool.

Measure the distance and the speed

Next, find out where each item is and how far away it is. Note both the distance in miles and the speed limit on the way there. As the book points out, 30 miles at 75 miles per hour is a very different trip from 30 miles at 30: about 24 minutes versus an hour.

Frank and Dave are firm on this one: "Be sure and be honest with yourself, and don't cheat on the distance or the time it takes to get there." You're making a big decision, and it has to rest on real numbers. Better yet, drive it yourself at the time of day you'd usually go.

Check the must-haves first

The big question is whether the town can meet every person's must-haves. If it can, move down the lists and see which wants are missing. If someone's must-have can't be met, that town may not be the one.

Ask the locals before you give up

Small-town businesses don't always show up online. Frank's daughter wanted riding lessons, and he couldn't find a single stable offering them in the listings or on Google. So he asked at the local feed stores and found the perfect stable just 20 minutes from home.

The lesson is to ask around before you cross anything off. Feed stores, hardware stores, churches, the chamber of commerce, a real estate agent and longtime residents often know about things a search will never turn up.

Make a weekly trip to the city

Some things only a city has. For those, the book suggests one family trip a week, with all the errands planned in an organized loop. Done well, it stops being a chore and becomes time together.

Online shopping covers much of the rest. The book's example is the antique lover who can browse online instead of driving from shop to shop.

Or create it yourself

If something truly doesn't exist, you may be able to start it. The book's example is art lessons: if no one offers them, put together a class with local artists who would like the extra income.

In a small town, there are few barriers to getting something going, and a good idea doesn't take much to become real. Sometimes it even turns into a small business that serves everyone who wanted the same thing.

Scout first, then bring the family

Before you show the town to everyone, get to know it yourself. Find the best places to eat and the things each person would enjoy, starting with their must-haves. If you run short of ideas, the chamber of commerce, a real estate agent or an old-timer can point you to things you'd never find on your own.

Then plan a full, fun day built around what each person cares about. In the book's words, the goal is to get someone else in the family to say "Wow, I wish we could live here!"

There's more on planning that first visit in getting your family on board.

Keep the lists handy

Your lists aren't only for choosing a town. Once you move, they become your plan for the first few weeks. Start checking off each person's favorites right away, so everyone has something to look forward to while the boxes wait.

Frank and Dave's free book walks through the whole amenities process in more detail.