How to get your family on board with a small-town move

Moving is hard on everyone, and it goes much better when the whole family is behind it. Usually the idea starts with the parents, and then it has to win over everyone else.

The book doesn't sugarcoat this part. As Frank and Dave put it, "Even one dissenter can cause serious problems." A child who hates the idea can turn the others against it before you've packed a single box.

Lead with more money and more time

Once living costs drop, the book says you have two strong things to offer: more money and more time.

• More money can pay for things that were out of reach in the city. The book's examples are a horse for a daughter or a car for a son. For your family it might be a dog, music lessons or a fishing boat.
• More time can mean making it to every game, coaching a team or simply being home for dinner, because there's less pressure to earn.

Be specific. "We'll have more time together" means little to a young child. "I'll be able to coach your soccer team" means a lot.

Smaller benefits can win people over too. Some kids like the idea of smaller classes or less stress. Others are drawn to hiking, time on the water or the chance to live on a farm or ranch.

Find each person's one big perk

Frank and Dave recommend some good old-fashioned bargaining. Find the one thing that matters most to each member of the family, and offer it in exchange for their support. A son might ask for a dog, a daughter for a horse. If you can afford it, make the deal.

That one perk can carry a child through the hard first weeks with a much better attitude.

It also helps to give everyone a voice in the plan. Let the kids help compare towns, look at houses with you or choose how to fix up their new rooms. People support what they help build.

Win over the holdout

In the book's experience, most families have one serious holdout. That person deserves your biggest effort. The book even suggests spending a little more up front to bring them around, as long as it fits your budget.

Listen closely, too. Sometimes an objection points to something real, like a teenager's senior year, a parent who needs care nearby or a spouse's career. A plan that solves the real problem will win more support than any sales pitch.

Treat the first visit like a first date

How your family first sees the town matters a great deal. "Think of the trip as a first date," Frank and Dave write. "It is critical to make a great impression or there may not be another."

Here's how to make that first date go well:

• Scout ahead. Get to know the town on your own first, so you know the best places to eat and the things each person will enjoy.
• Plan a full day. Line up something for everyone, like a game, the lake, a favorite kind of shop or a great lunch spot. The chamber of commerce or a real estate agent can suggest ideas, and old-timers often know the best ones.
• Make the drive fun. Nothing spoils the mood like a dull car ride. Plan a few interesting stops, bring drinks and snacks, play music the whole family likes and take breaks.
• Pick a good day. A Friday night football game, a festival or a holiday event shows a town at its friendliest.

The goal is for someone else in the family to be the one who says they wish they could live there. The must-haves guide can help you plan a visit around what each person cares about most.

Keep old friends in the picture

Kids especially worry about losing their friends. Offer to help bridge the gap: plan visits back, fly a best friend in for a weekend now and then, or set up regular video calls.

In Frank and Dave's experience, this matters most at the start. Over time, new friendships take hold. Early on, though, knowing the old friends are still part of their lives gives kids extra confidence.

Once you arrive

Frank and Dave found that once the family arrives, most of the selling is done. When the kids have new friends and the adults have new interests, the positives speak for themselves.

The first few weeks make a big difference, so plan them as carefully as the first visit. The settling in guide covers how to get everyone involved quickly.

For more on bringing the whole family along, see Frank and Dave's free book.